Critical Steps for Leaving an Abusive Relationship Safely

Leaving an abusive relationship is a difficult and complicated process that requires careful planning and consideration. Victims often overlook certain steps that are crucial for their safety when leaving their abuser. Here are some reminders of the planning steps that victims frequently overlook during their attempts to leave:

1. Change passwords to any and all of your email accounts.
2. Make copies of house deeds and mortgage information or any shared assets.
3. Change beneficiaries of 401K, IRAs, life insurance, etc., if legally able to do so.
4. Change social media passwords and delete or unfollow them. Furthermore, do not post anything about them or the relationship on your social media.
5. Revoke access to credit cards or bank accounts if legally able to do so. If your economic situation is deeply entangled with your partner’s, such as shared accounts, you may want to consult with a lawyer.
6. If you are able, take cash out of the bank and put it in a safe place.
7. Change door locks and, if financially able to do so, change wooden doors to steel or another material that cannot be broken down easily.
8. Put locks on the windows.
9. Change passwords for all online banking of personal accounts.
10. Check your credit report and check it again every year. Partners often know each other's Social Security numbers, and many of my clients have had their ex open up credit cards or new accounts, ruining their credit.
11. Remove your ex-partner from any shared accounts, such as Amazon, Uber, etc.
12. Block your ex-partner on cash apps, such as PayPal and Venmo, so they cannot see your transactions.
13. Change your phone lock screen.
14. Create a code word with a friend who can be called or texted in an emergency.
15. If able, consider installing a security system at the house.
16. Tell the neighbors what is going on, so they can keep an eye out for anything suspicious.
17. Make a habit of keeping the car’s gas tank at least half full.
18. Unless kids are involved, you might want to change your phone number.
19. Alter your route to work and other places frequented.
20. Make a list of emergency numbers and keep it visible, perhaps taped to the cabinet. Include the police, the nearest domestic violence shelter, or any friends or family who can help. This will help all members of the family find this information when needed in a crisis.


These steps are essential for anyone leaving an abusive relationship, and they should not be overlooked. Victims of abuse must prioritize their safety when leaving their abuser, and planning is crucial to ensuring that they can escape their situation safely. It's important to note that leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, and it is highly recommended that you seek professional help and guidance from a domestic violence advocate or attorney. These professionals can provide support, resources, and assistance in creating a safe exit plan.