Why Couples Therapy May Not Be Working For You and What You Can Do About It

Couples therapy has become a popular way for couples to work through their relationship issues. However, not all couples who seek therapy see the results they are hoping for. In fact, some couples may even feel like therapy is making things worse. In this blog post, we’ll discuss why couples therapy may not work for some couples and what they can do about it.

Individual issues may be hindering progress
One of the reasons why couples therapy may not be effective is because individual issues may be preventing progress. If one or both partners are struggling with personal issues such as anxiety, depression, or addiction, these issues may need to be addressed before you can effectively work on your relationship. Couples therapy can only be successful if both partners are mentally and emotionally prepared to work together.

If you feel like individual issues are preventing you from making progress in couples therapy, consider addressing these issues separately with a qualified therapist or mental health professional. Once you’ve addressed these individual issues, you can refocus on working on your relationship.

Lack of commitment from one or both partners
Couples therapy requires a significant commitment from both partners. You must be willing to put in the time and effort to work on your relationship. If one or both partners are not fully committed, therapy may not be effective.

Make sure that both partners are fully committed to the process. Create a schedule that works for both of you and make therapy a priority. If you’re having trouble committing, talk to your therapist about ways to increase motivation and engagement.

Unrealistic expectations
Some couples may have unrealistic expectations when it comes to couples therapy. They may start therapy with the hope of changing their partner, but this is not the goal of couples therapy. Couples therapy is a space where partners come together, with a therapist/mediator, to speak openly and honestly about the problems happening in their relationship. If one partner doesn’t feel safe or comfortable honestly sharing the dynamics of what is happening for them in the relationship, little progress can be made.

Be realistic about what you can achieve through couples therapy. It’s not about changing your partner, but rather about learning how to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and build a stronger relationship. Focus on your own behaviors and how you can improve your relationship.

Incompatible therapy styles
Another reason why couples therapy may not work is because of incompatible therapy styles. Not all therapists use the same approach, and some approaches may not resonate with you or your partner. For example, if you prefer a more action-oriented approach, but your therapist is more focused on exploring emotions, you may not see the results you’re hoping for.

Do your research and find a therapist who uses an approach that resonates with both of you. Talk to your therapist about your preferences and what you hope to achieve through therapy. If you’re not seeing the results you’re hoping for, don’t be afraid to explore other therapy styles.

Lack of trust
Finally, couples therapy may not be effective if there is a lack of trust between partners. Trust and honesty are at the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. If you are having difficulty practicing radical honesty with your partner inside and outside of the therapy office, you’re likely going to waste your time and money.

Focus on building trust with your partner. Be honest about your feelings, fears, and concerns. Listen actively to your partner and work on developing empathy and understanding. If you’re having trouble with trust, talk to your therapist about ways to build trust and repair the relationship.

Couples therapy can be an effective way to work through relationship issues, but it’s not a panacea. If you’re not seeing the results you’re hoping for, consider these potential reasons why couples therapy may not be working for you.